I love you...?

I love you. The three most hated, loved, romantic words on the face of this Earth…in English that is, otherwise in some other places its je t’aime…or tea mo. But what do we really mean when we say these three little words? A roommate tells another “I love you”, a child tells a parent, a boyfriend tells a girlfriend, a friend tells a friend. But the meaning of “I love you” is different in many of these cases. Or so you think. I really don’t know what to think, exactly. I do know, however, that when I tell someone that I love them, I really do love them, I would do anything to make them happy, make their lives just a little bit better, just because I care THAT much for them. And as whatever as this might sound, I would probably take a bullet for many of my friends and family. Because I want them to be happy, to live their lives…don’t get me wrong, I want to live my life, and I do live my life everyday…but I just want those others around me to be happy, because when I know they’re happy…I’m happy. Which is probably a shitty way of living life, but hey, its worked for me for the past 19 years. I’m a people pleaser…which can be good and bad. But its me, its who I am…I’m the girl who likes to be told “I love you” every so often, just to feel loved, to be hugged just because ( I love hugs actually…not many know that), and I love to take pictures. But hey, that’s just me. J
Love

Thoughts..

What if I told you that I really do try? That I bust my butt everyday just to make you happy? I like seeing people around me happy…the people I love, the people who mean the most to me…the people who may mean the most to me, but they think I’m nothing…nodda. Or at least that ‘s how I feel. Then why do you keep hanging out with them? I don’t know. I ask myself this question almost every day….maybe its because I feel a part of something with them…we do have our good days, don’t get me wrong. But then…we have our off days…..like now. I’m sitting in the living room watching tv…well, writing this…and one is sitting in another room, probably watching the same show….with the door shut. Did I do something to piss you off? What? Is it me? Am I not good enough for you? I try. I really do try…I want you to like me, to accept me, to say to yourself “I’m glad she’s my roommate, my suitemate, my friend”…I often wonder if that’s what they think about me…if they’re glad that they picked me as a roommate. As an extra wheel. Sometimes, I think they do…but then, most of the time…I wonder if they think they’ve made a big mistake…and I should tell myself…”if they’re treating you this way…why do you do the things you do for them??” Well…is it because I want them to accept me..to like me, to think to themselves…”I’m glad she’s my roommate”…I don’t know. I just. Don’t. know. Why do I try so hard to make them happy, when its just bringing me down? I have no effing clue. Is it too much to ask to be loved and hugged and talked too? I hope not. Because if it is…I’m effed hardcore.

I'm the kinda girl...

who will do almost anything for the people she loves and cares about. No matter what the cost. I just want my loved ones to be happy...sometimes I don't feel welcomed, but no matter how they treat me, I still treat them like gold. Is this a good or bad thing? I just don't know.

Love.

Physics can kiss my a...

Most of the times with the blogs, I really don’t have anything planned out. I just kinda go where my mind takes me….and sometimes that’s a good thing, and other times its bad. Like bad when you’re sitting in physics or philosophy and your mind wanders to thanksgiving break, or what you’re doing later in the day, or just about life in general, and then you snap back to reality and realize you have NO idea what’s going on in that freaking class. And then there are times when I can’t sleep at night and I just lay there, and I think about life and where I’m going, where I’ve been, and what I actually want to do with this crazy thing called life. (I still don’t have any effing idea just for the lovely readers out there…) ANYWAYS. Um. I don’t know. I never know. I’m just kinda hoping that I get it right the first time. ..but there are always bound to be mistakes that I make…I’m only human. We’re only human.

Life is tough sometimes. Sometimes its easy. Sometimes it likes to play tricks on you. For me, right now, life is pretty good…but tough. I just don’t know sometimes. I am running on empty…can it be Thanksgiving break yet? There is never a minute when I can’t be doing homework, or studying , or reading, or doing physics problems. I just can’t wait until I’m done with physics, that class is just so…not cool. The professor kindof sucks, he is super smart, but he can’t convey it to the students. And that just pisses me off. I’m paying what…30,000 a year? I want good teachers. Not shitty ones who will make me dread going to that class every m,w,f and make me worry about not keeping my scholarship because his dumb class might bring my gpa below a 3.0. Whatever. Fuck it.

Life is life. Its hard sometimes, its funny sometimes, it makes me want to cry, or laugh, or smile, or frown or just flip the bird and say f you dude. But most of all..its life. You gotta love it.

Random Rants 1

Do you ever have one of those days when you just question almost every decision you’ve ever made? Yes? Me too. I don’t know…I just wish I knew where I was supposta be going in life…I hope I’m going in the right direction, but who knows. Not me! Ha, that’s for sure. College is when you’re supposta have the time of your life and know where you want to go and what you want to do. Haha screw that philosophy. I AM having the time of my life and I LOVE it here…but I have NO idea WHATSOEVER if I’m going in the right direction…which really blows. Especially when you’re paying 30,000 a year for this indecisiveness. But I think I’m doing the right thing. Haha, I hope. Live and learn, they say. Live and learn. Sometimes I just wish I would get a sign or something that would tell me what to do, where to live, where to work, who to marry, ect. You know? That would take SO much stress out of my life, it would be insane. BUT that doesn’t happen. You know why? Because if I knew all of these outcomes, it wouldn’t be life, it wouldn’t be going and doing and experiencing, because I already know what’s coming. If I knew all of these answers, I would say screw this, and be lazy. But because I don’t know these answers, I have to make myself go out and do and see and meet people and LIVE.

Love J

Have you ever been so busy that you just don't know where to begin, and then once you do begin, you don't get ANYTHING productive done...or so it feels that way? Yeah. It sucks. 'Specally when you're going into Medicine. Being busy sucks sometimes...sometimes its nice, but sometimes...I just want to curl up and watch a movie without worrying about when or how I'm going to study or get something done. Anywhoo. Let me also say that I'm excited for Winter break...I know its a long ways away...but still. I'm excited for the snow and seeing my family, and the FOOD and hanging with my friends, and getting cold outside, and then coming inside to warm up and watch a movie and cuddle. Oh winter. Its a love/hate relationship.

Love

Allison Case

IF anyone reads my blog (bahaha, doubting it right now...) and you don't read Ms.Allison Cases' blog...DO SO. She is a life saver for me sometimes.

savemyhippie.blogspot.com

Just do it.

You'll be happy you did.

LOVE

Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Snow, in October? Really? Just give us rain.

Love,
Sarah

Fall-ish

So fall has arrived up in good MN. Its so pretty up here. Except when its windy. And cold. Which is a lot of the time...then its not so pretty. Because then I'm stuck inside looking out. ANYWAYS. The fall time makes me want to listen to Josh Groban and Michael Buble. I'm not quite sure why, but those two voices+fall colors+ the thought of romance (ha, not happenin here) just make it seem so...so perfect. I don't know what anyone else thinks but I don't care. In fact, I'm listening to Josh Groban right now. And wishing that I didn't have class tomorrow and I could go on a walk and come back to warm apple cider and a man. Preferably one that looked like Michael Buble and sang too me. Not like that's asking for much...at all. A girl can dream, can't she? =)

Love

Thought of the day...

Call a family member that you haven't talked to in a while...it makes them happy =)

Learnin...

Some days...you have really good days..then some days, it feels like everything is hitting the fan at once and everyone is bearing down on you. And on those days, while its shitty at the time...you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's what I do. Sometimes I feel left out from my roommates...and why you may ask? I love them to death....but they're defiantly a different caliber than I am...but that's ok...I learn things from them...which is good...I also learn that I don't need other people to make me happy. I can make MYSELF happy...not a big deal, right? Oh yes it is.

LOVE