Thoughts..

What if I told you that I really do try? That I bust my butt everyday just to make you happy? I like seeing people around me happy…the people I love, the people who mean the most to me…the people who may mean the most to me, but they think I’m nothing…nodda. Or at least that ‘s how I feel. Then why do you keep hanging out with them? I don’t know. I ask myself this question almost every day….maybe its because I feel a part of something with them…we do have our good days, don’t get me wrong. But then…we have our off days…..like now. I’m sitting in the living room watching tv…well, writing this…and one is sitting in another room, probably watching the same show….with the door shut. Did I do something to piss you off? What? Is it me? Am I not good enough for you? I try. I really do try…I want you to like me, to accept me, to say to yourself “I’m glad she’s my roommate, my suitemate, my friend”…I often wonder if that’s what they think about me…if they’re glad that they picked me as a roommate. As an extra wheel. Sometimes, I think they do…but then, most of the time…I wonder if they think they’ve made a big mistake…and I should tell myself…”if they’re treating you this way…why do you do the things you do for them??” Well…is it because I want them to accept me..to like me, to think to themselves…”I’m glad she’s my roommate”…I don’t know. I just. Don’t. know. Why do I try so hard to make them happy, when its just bringing me down? I have no effing clue. Is it too much to ask to be loved and hugged and talked too? I hope not. Because if it is…I’m effed hardcore.